My Personal Fitness Journey- 

the beginning of the madness

I was in 7th grade the first time i tried counting my calories (WTF??), but I remember my sophomore year of high school is the year when I started to become completely body image obsessed.

It was sophomore year when I reached 5' 9" and 155lbs.  I know 5' 9" and 155 lbs is a completely healthy height to weight ratio; but as a high school cheerleader and dancer where the average height is 5'3" and average weight is 110, I remember feeling like an Ogre. 

I tried a variety of fad diets throughout my sophomore and junior year; including but not limited to: atkins diet, south beach diet, low fat diet (stay under 7g of fat for the day WTAF) and calorie counting (staying under 1100 cals per day- WTAF again!).

I would lose 10 lbs then gain it right back over and over again until the end of my junior year. Th e end of my junior year and into that summer is where I really had some success.

Senior year I stumbled upon this mediterranean diet where you only eat fish, fruit and vegetables (trust me- my house smelled AWESOME). There was not counting involved, so I was really pumped about it! My mom did it with me, so I had some support, and by following this diet, I went from 155lbs to 133 lbs in just a couple of months.  Man- was that just the best feeling in the world!

Losing 22 lbs was the pretty much a game changer for me. I was so much more confident in myself, I was getting more attention from guys, I was getting noticed by girls on my team, It was fun to go shopping for close, I was totally on cloud 9! Any self esteem issues I had, any drama I was dealing with at school, and any problems I was dealing with at home seemed to be completely eradicated by my losing 22 lbs.

That is where the dysfunction set in.  I had subconsciously labeled my WEIGHT LOSS as the solution to my problems. I had  subconsciously attached my WEIGHT to my self worth, and I had subconsciously  associated DIETING as a means to gain control in the presence of chaos.